Having “the” discussion might seem like one of the hardest things about divorce when you have not yet done it. It will probably seem easy compared to what followed when you look back.
How you raise the subject will depend on your unique situation, but there are a few general rules to guide you:
Do it when you are calm
Screaming “I hate you. I want a divorce” during a heated argument is not advisable. It is a big decision to make, and once you have said those words, there is no going back. Even if you do not mean them, your relationship will not be the same again.
Do it when it is safe to do so
Your spouse is at the wheel of the car, already frustrated because you are late for Sunday lunch with their parents. Telling them that you want a divorce will undoubtedly distract them. It might even cause them to do something stupid, expressing their anger in their driving.
If your spouse can be violent, telling them at home might also be unwise. You may need to do it in a public place or by phone from the safety of a friend’s place.
Do it when you have prepared
You might be worried about what you are going to say. If you have already made up your mind, that does not matter so much. What matters more is preparing things such as your finances and, if necessary, alternative living arrangements.
All these things presume that you have already decided. In some cases, the decision to divorce is more of a gradual conversation between two parties who both realize the marriage is not working out.
However you go about it, getting advice to understand the legalities of divorce will be crucial to making informed decisions about your future.